I could hear my heart shatter into pieces

I don't know how long can i stand this. on my own. I've got no one t turn too. I trust no friends anymore... My hand want to take my phone and call my mummy telling her i'm sad but if i do that mummy will think your bad boy.. Idw..

 I only have you. But i can't share it with you..

I'm going crazy.. what can i do?.. I really don'tknow what to do... I don't want to feel paranoid anymore. but th only way to do that is not to care. HOW CAN I NOT CARE ABT YOU?! it's im possible. I don't want it t happen too.. I still care and love you.. 

I want to understand you and let you do what you like so that you won't feel like a bird in the cage. but it's breaking my heart to see all these... Everytime i see her name i wanna kill her. But i rmb you told me never think abt evil. Bcoz good always win over evil. So i try my best not to think abt it. 

Bby help me. i'm vv confused inside.. I can'tsleep well, every night i think about it. It's really killing me inside. I'm going insane alr.. How much i feel like getting myself drunk and cry everything out again but i hold myself back every single time bcoz i know you hate me to do that. And it's running away from reality. 

It hurts the most knowing th one you love is happy with someone else... if she makes you smile, i don't mind bcoz i just want you t be happy. But it will kill me.. 

I love to see you smile you know?.. I always watch you sleep and sayang your head while i'm so sad inside. Don'tdare tell you. bcoz i don't want you angry. dunwant we quarrel. 

I need you bi... my tears always flows for you.....